"What do you want to do with your life?"

This is stupid. In fact, it transcends stupidity, it's absolutely ridiculous.

NUS has started sending acceptance letters, interviews for the local universities have been scheduled, 3 and a half weeks have passed since A level results were released and I still haven't applied for any university.

And just when I thought I finally settled for engineering and was ready to apply, a 2 hour talk on saturday demolished all the work, all the deliberation, all my expectations.

So far the pastors whom I talked to (Pastor Gideon, Pastor Chiang, Pastor Kiancheng, uncle Aaron) have all advised me for and against differing engineering courses, often with slightly different views, but always based on a mix of interests, job prospects, flexibility

But Senior Pastor David threw in a whole new kettle of fish. A perspective which I never bothered to factor into my tertiary education equations.

On saturday, I finally managed to get some time to talk to him (two hours over lunch) about my courses. Reason I wanted to find him was due to a prior incident (which is too long to repeat now), and I wanted to get his advice without applying. And knowing that his time is very precious, I was quite glad I managed to catch him on saturday.

But then, it all was out of my expectations. Which it should have been anyway. "What do you want to do with your life? Not your job, not vocation, but your life."

He asked me that straightaway within 2 minutes. I couldn't give a straight answer. Because prior to this, I have always considered courses from the interest and future job point of view. But now he asked me to think on a totally different higher plane.

What do I want to do with my life? I want to be able to pursue a subject of interest, to be able and willing also to allow God to use me, and even possibly serve God fully. But no plan of action, no concrete goal I want to achieve by my life's end.

Many Christians seem to view serving God or allowing God to work through them by saying "God, what do You want me to do with my life?" In a sense that is definitely what God wants us to do, to enable us to be used as his vessels. But even more importantly, is the question that Senior Pastor posed to me. As if God himself was asking me "What do you want to do with your life? For me, for others?"

It was as if God and i were playing a doubles match of tennis. And my life is the ball. Ball comes winging our way, I tell God: "God, you decide where and how to hit the ball"...then God says:"No, son, you have to hit the ball first". So now the ball is squarely in my court.

There is a difference in the two. One is passive living. The other is active living. And obviously the latter is the harder to do.

So Pastor David asked me: What is your plan for achieving your life goal and what actions will you take to start achieving it? He cited examples. Most importantly, he said: its not about what course you choose, its about why you choose it and the process of making that decision thats most impt. And the course you choose will ultimately be based on how well it helps you fulfil your life goal.

And he hasn't even gone in depth about the spiritual aspect of it all. he asked me to do 3 things:

1)What do you think is the biggest problem the world is facing now, barring the spiritual aspect?

2)After you have answered 1, go and relook the whole prospectuses and select the courses which help you fulfil it. Don't restrict to engineering or any one course.

3) After you have done 1 and 2, come and look for me.

He didn't directly say which courses i should or should not apply. He merely said: I don't want to tell you what to do. You have to decide and plan for yourself.

So what now? I need to discover my life goal. I have many ambitions in life, but none as strong or compelling or detailed to make it a life goal.

Tonight I'm gonna wrest some answers from God. Even if I have to pray all night.

"What do I want to do with my life?"