So it all comes down to this.

2 years worth of preparation culminates in 2 weeks worth of examinations

20 hours left till crunch time and what am I doing? I'm facebooking and blogging

Am I prepared? Definitely not.

Am I composed? I sincerely hope so.

This is either the last chance for redemption or the final coup de grace.

Lets analyse this from God's view.

Reasons for God to allow me to do well:
1) To bless me with good results
2) To glorify God with my grades
3) To ensure I get a good place in uni

Reasons for God to allow me to not do well:
1) To make me dependent on Him and not my ability of intellect
2) To humble me
3) To break me so that I can be used in my weakness for Him

But then, who am I to speak for God?

God will do with me as He pleases. His ways are not my ways. I will never be able to fully understand His reasons or His MO

I only need to trust and obey

Easy in theory, very difficult in practice

My intellect is my last bastion of confidence, apart from God of course.

I can lose my reputation, I can lose my physical health, I can part with whatever glamour or success in being a student leader, I can lose desire in pursuing all hobbies and interests, I can lose my confidence and passion, I can lose my good looks, I can bear to lose friends(though i will be very heartbroken) but I cannot bear, cannot bear to lose my intelligence. In fact I have already lost all that through the to years in AJC. I only have God and my intellect left.

Which makes for very good grounds for God to take that last piece of my self-identity away from me. Because a self-identity built on 100% God is the only self-identity God wants us to have. Not to put faith in ourselves, but put faith entirely on Him

Possibly thats what Pastor Sylvia talked about yesterday, about how we need to have a spiritual mindset. And a spiritual mindset is one that focuses entirely on who God is, not who we are.

So in all probability, I will not do as well as I hope for the A levels. That still does not exucse me from giving it my best shot now.

Shit. How How How How Howwwwwwww???????????????

Im so nervous now that I have to blog before continuing to study

Strangely, I feel like laughing

Ha
Haha
hahaha
hahahaha
hahahahaha
hahahahahaha
hahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahaha
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHHAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.............................

HAHAhaHaHAHaHAHAHHAHAHAHhHhahhahaHAHHAhhaHAHHA

:):)p:)

:o:o::o:o:o:o

OK STOP!

calm down

deep breaths

go and pray

hard
very hard
very very very hard

ok

19 hours left

its showtime

lets go

good bye

farewell

adios

shalom

the final swansong is about to begin.