3rd week of January is almost over and I haven't done much constructive work, except for painting my house gate, which took me the better part of the last two weeks.

So I've decided to go hiking in Macritchie either next week or the week after, after the CNY period and make full use of the good weather in january before the monsoons come. And also before my dentatae are clapped in irons. This time i preferably would want to hike alone, because its only when I'm truly alone that I'm able to best appreciate the sights, smells and sounds of nature.

I love hiking not just because of the physical sense of challenge that it affords, and not just because of the sense of exploration and adventure that I get out of it, but much more importantly because I am able to marvel at the wonders of God's handiwork in his creation, to soak in the sensations of the natural environment, to enjoy the blessed peace and cessation from the bustle of everyday life....to be able to capture the beauty of nature in its true essence and thereby also communing with God in the most intimate way I know. For it is in nature that I see the hand of God most clearly, and I hear the Saviour's still small voice most powerfully. As the Bible says, the heavens declare the glory of the Lord, the skies declare the works of His hands.

So that is why I prefer to hike alone. But i did mention to wilson yesterday when I met him to plan for tomorrow's fellowship that I would be going to hike rather soon and He could join me if he wanted. I guess Wilson is probably one of the really rare people who can appreciate the value of silence in this noise polluted society. We'll just see how it turns out.

Ok so besides this I also intend to explore two areas in the CCNR that have piqued my interest. One is that I want to visit the WWII ruins of Syonan Jinja, a Japanese shrine built to commemorate the Japanese victory over Singapore. The Japs blew it up before they surrendered in 1945, but the remains are still there, somewhere along the Northwestern shore of MacRitchie reservior. If internet research is reliable enough, I should have little trouble finding it.

The other place I want to explore is Woodcutter's trail, a 5km trail cutting between Seletar and Pierce reserviors, linking upper thomson road to Dairy farm road. This one might be a tad harder to find because i cannot find any directions to it, save for the start and end points. And with any less trodden jungle trail, it might be harder to stick to the right trail.

Both places are known in Singapore Hiker's lore among hardcore enthusiasts, but not officially recognised by Nparks. So I should have a fun time:)

I welcome anyone who has adequate experience in hiking to join me. If ure even remotely interested please drop me a tag on my tagboard. I will need a compass too.

Now to finish painting my gate.

I need to find a job. Fast



These days all i'm doing at home is spending copious amounts of time on facebook, as well as doing some packing and preparation of the house for CNY. I'm slowly rotting as the days pass by.



Still, i'm kinda reluctant to find a job so far, because after the stressful last months of 2008....I don't feel that eager to jump back into busyness as of yet. After studying so hard that I fell sick during the A levels, I thought once the exams were over I would have time to catch a breather. Instead I was immediately plunged into the preparations for christmas party and Christmas chior and guitar performances in church, not to mention fellowship planning and chariskidz duties on Sundays. So now after christmas is my opportunity to slack...when most of my riends are already working.



Initialy throughout the whole of last year I had envisioned grand plans for myself once I finished the dastardly A levels. Some of them where:



1) Learn how to play Guzheng

2) Learn how to play bagpipes

3) Take up a course in rockclimbing to further my interest

4) Go kayaking with some good friends

5) Visit Marina Barrage and Henderson Bridge Walk to check out the scenery

6) Go hiking again in the BTNR and MacRitche area

7) Pack my room and paint my blinds

8) Play a few Mahjong rounds

9) Start training regimen for NS

10) Work on a few personal art projects

11) Read some new novels

12) Facebook (which I've done a lot of)

13) Decide roughly what course in UNI to take up



But after the exams were over I realized that the last year has taken much more out of me than i expected. Its as if I was a lemon squeezed until all the juice was gone and now all that remains is a near empty husk. Its probably a poor metaphor for the kind of life I'm experiencing now, But you get the picture.



Somehow even though I have many things i want to try out, i seem to have lost the determination and energy to do them. Now everyday i just sleep, eat, and surf like there's no tomorrow. A very strange way of living for someone of my personality. And the rest of the time, i spend in thinking, mainly about the past.



Thinking about how the last two years have been so incredibly anxiety and misery-ridden, how almost all my ambitions when I entered JC have been unfulfilled, thinking about what i could have done different, how i could have reacted to circmstances differently. Thinking about how hard I tried (and failed) for my personal evangelism, what i could have done better. Thinking about how incredibly confusing everything was. thinking about how i could have done better for Chemistry paper 3 for a levels if I had takien better care of my health.



Thinking about how the previous two classes of P6es graduating from chariskidz have been

grounded in youth...and wondering if i will do a better job with the P6es this year.



Thinking about past failures, percieved failures, actual failures, past successes, percieved successes, actual successes.



Think think think



One of the reasons why I refuse to find a job so soon may be because I want to live a life where i can be in total control of, even though it will only be temporary and shallow. Now i don't have to worry about homework, or school work, or meeting deadlines other ppl set, or waking up on time, or making decisions which tear me apart, or runing around following other people like a headless chicken.



A life which i can direct at will and control.



Of course this is just pure deception, because nobody can really say they are in entire control of their life. If they could do that, they would be like God. And the desire to control our own life has a potential to lead to a more sinister desire to control everything, which then can lead us down the slippery slope of trying to be like God. Which was part of the reason why Lucifer fell.



So that about sums up my life right now: slacking, musing and deluding myself.