Its times like this, when you're down and out, when you start to secondguess your decisions, temptation comes knocking, her alluring voice enticing you to sweet surrender, to forbidden fruit. And the more you try not to listen, the more intoxicating her voice becomes.

They say army's a place where she can be easily found. In a sense yes, in a sense no.

Sometimes you wonder, aren't you giving too much of yourself already, haven't you done enough yet? Why do you feel that you need to sacrifice your time, your rest, your energy, your friendships....to pursue growth in a people, in a ministry where you have committed yourself in but not many others have?

You choose BS over class gatherings, service over a chance to enjoy the weekend. You choose to keep going when everything around you tells you it is foolishness to carry on. You look for encouragement, the LORD retains His silence.

And there are so many things you seem to be missing out on. The good things, the good life...time with friends doing normal stuff...

And the questionable things, like smoking, like swearing and pretending it doesn't really matter, like (God forbid) indulging in some things you shouldn't be seeing.

People tell you, everyone's doing it. Don't act so innocent all the time. One puff wouldn't hurt. One look wouldn't hurt. Come on. Just once.

Just once is as good as forever. Temptation's allure is strong.

You turn, turn, turn away, try to focus instead on the Author of your faith, and when it doesn't seem easy to find Him, you wonder, has the Author gotten writer's block? Leaving a half finished book...

And then frustration comes in. You ask: Why aren't there more workers in the field? If there were more people to help out in the ministry, we would all be suffering less and achieving more. You would have time to spend with your friends, your family, enjoy being with them. And also make a positive impact for the Lord on them. But no, you're stuck in suspended animation.

You start to question God's calling. Maybe you just imagined it. Maybe your ambitions were too high. Maybe you should just be a normal Christian, go to church, keep a low profile, maybe that way people won't brand you as a Christ fanatic.

You complain, complain, emo, emo. You don't lose hope yet, but you wonder what you've been doing wrong.

Then, the small voice of the Savior says: If anyone comes to me and does not his father, mother, wife, children, brother, sister and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.

And you complain to God what an impossibly unfair high price it is. But then you remember, and you see...and you are silenced.

You see the nails that held Him there.

Because you are reminded, because there is no arguement, no injustice, yet no greater love and sacrifice than this.

And you remember with what price you were ransomed for. And with what love the pain and scorn endured, the gruesome weight of mankind's sin, even the rejection of the Father which must have hurt worse than hell.

And it keeps you going.

For now. Just for now.